Week3

The Dogs Kennel
This week everything is very political in the B-Wing. I have chosen the great character of good old Jacob, for the majority of my piece. Now everyone has their opinions on what a corrupt piece of shit he is, but I choose not to dwell on these points.
What scares me more is that no one has caught on to the fact that Ol’ JZ is either a Mormon or a leader of a Cult. The man has 5 wives and 15 children for Christ sakes. Something is definitely up here. Now I have always been one to champion the male cause, I honestly think this man is taking the piss. 5 wives, who is he fucking kidding. And for the poor women, how low does your self-esteem have to be to accept being 5th in line for a humping by something that looks like a warthogs arse. I mean where exactly is her place in the bedroom? On the ottoman at the foot of the bed?
Never mind the fact that we the tax payer (side note, most of his supporters don’t know what tax or jobs are, they are just glad he can sing and dance too), will have to pay for his and “families” food, travel, accommodation (what’s new?) and education (now that’s just laughable), for the rest of their lives!
Me personally, that little Botox dwarf Helen from the DA is getting my X. Sure she is no Mara Rosaria Carfagna, check this little Italian minx out( minister for equal opportunity – whatever that means, sign me up for some of that shit), but she seems presentable enough.
Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend, just remember, a life of excess is always more fun, so drink hard, drive fast and take chances.

Dog

Out of the Shell

I was flipping through the channels on the television the other day, while waiting for my beer and steak to be brought to me by the well domesticated topless Caucasian female I had round for the day. If you are looking for one of these, you find the best ones running bakeries in the Eastern bloc. They have such soft hands and a remarkable amount of respect for a drunken guy waving a gun.
Anyway back to the television, I was going sport, FTV, sport, FTV, sport, FTV, when something happened. I went to one of those fantasy channels that the opposite sex seem to enjoying watching when we allow them to. There it was. Beverly Hills 90210 is back on the television, like a bad dream. The show that forced me into puberty and at the same time nearly ruined the act of masturbation for me is back. If it wasn’t for Dawsons Creek and Joey Potter we may have lost an entire generation to Green Point. These monstrous perversions of 9oclock media are more dangerous than internet porn. This 90210 has got the same people in it, just older, looking like proper drug torn acid hippies. The Brenda one is definitely buzzing on Prozac. What happened to these actors and woman in real life, did they squander and snort their money away as easily as George Best would have done if grey hound racing was a 5 day sport. I think they must have.

In the news this week, the former blue bulls and springbok scrumhalf was caught receiving the one mandatory act in love making. That and having some of the Columbian marching powder. Why the fuck was this even a headline? Sounds like a great Friday to me. Good for you Joost. You are well with in your right to enjoy this holy gesture. Now if there was a bottle of chloroform in the picture next to Joost, that would have been worthy of a headline and possibly another springbok cap. But I am not going to spend to much time on this topic, due to the fact skeet is going to talk about it, that and the fact that he is a horndog.

Sheldon

From skeet this week;
It’s been a fairly quiet week for me this week in the B-wing, still lying low after the shenanigans of last weekend. The highlight of my week has most certainly been the Joost sex tape scandal. What an amazing story. Joost van der Westhuizen, a national hero, a World Cup winner, an ambassador for the country, a husband to one of the countries finest pop singers, Amor Vittone (I have recently signed up as a member of the her fan club, and I must say it comes highly recommended by the Skeet), and a father. You have to admire a man with that sort of track record. If that’s not enough, Joost was only recently overtaken by Percy Montgomery as the Springboks most capped player. He managed a very impressive tally of 38 tries, which is the most by any scrum half in the history of the game, making him one of the greatest half backs of all time. It’s a bloody impressive résumé.
So the story goes that an anonymous stripper delivered the tape to the despicable Heat magazine of all publications, because she wanted everyone to know the real Joost. She believed that people were being mislead, and were getting the wrong idea about this South African icon, and felt it was her responsibility to set the record straight. So with the help of the lovely ladies at Heat, the story was published, and the nation was exposed to Joost’s wild side, and his willy.
Of course it became an enormous national scandal, and many people around the country were outraged by the story. It also resulted in some rather bizarre statements from the man himself about the size of his penis, and the number of times he needed to watch it in order to make a decision whether it was actually him or not.
There’s no doubt in my mind that it’s him in the video, and I think it’s bloody fantastic. I don’t know why he would deny it. I think it’s admirable. It makes his already outstanding résumé even better. It says “I’m serious, but I’ve still got a bit of a wild side?” It shows once again, that we’re all the same, whether we’re rich or poor, young or old. Boys will be boys, and I’ve never been more proud to be one. I think we should all take a sock out of Joost’s draw this weekend, and enjoy some of the finer things in life. I’m not saying go out and get some hookers and cocaine, although it does sound quite attractive. What I’m saying is, work hard, play harder and keep living the dream.
Have a great week.

Skeet.

Irish Note;
[coming]