Short Week 5

Out of the Shell:

HELEN ZILLE WAS A WELDER

How can someone respect something that is intellectually, physically and emotionally unequal? Respect is reserved for people like Winston Churchill, John Smit, Barry Sheen or a man that can drink a case of beer in a day. Funny there is no woman on that list, which is because I cannot think of any. Helen Zille may be the one keeping the Africans off Clifton Beach, but your not about to wrestle this bear under the covers are you?

They have always been some what of a confusing commodity in my life. It does seem that when you getting it, you are in fact bored with it. Yes I do understand their role in breeding but other than that I just do not see their purpose, besides the standard domestic responsibilities. And how many times when you are in the mood does she have one of these pathetic excuses; “I am not in the mood”. “Stop waving that gun in my face”,”I can’t breath”, “If your going to do this, please wear a condom” and it just kills your mood.

There is not one thing in a productive or purposeful sense that they can do better than their male counter parts. Even simple everyday tasks we do better, like drinking and not crying.

This is why I have always preferred beer, sport and male company then that to time with a woman. I am not gay; it is just that intellectually they do not interest me enough to warrant spending time with them beyond the physical act. I enjoy fucking them. If you use the term making love, I think you should slap yourself in the face. First of all it makes no sense; love is something you can’t make, a bicycle is something you can. I love alcohol, sport and violence. I tolerate woman because I understand the need for some men to carry on their gene and I do mean their gene.

Thunderous diesel dykes or liberal cat owners have been saying with the sperm bank men will soon be replaced. I say excuse me cupcake, but with washing machines, microwaves, stoves, dishwashers and waffle makers, we have been well on the way to replacing you for years.

In fact in an article released by the Vatican this week, they claim that the washing machine is the greatest contributor to the emancipation of woman. I could not agree more with “the power”. What I do not agree with is the emancipation itself. A washing machine is a luxury and not a birth right to a female. I think its time to bring back the washing board and send them down to the river. I have approached Chris Brown about a life guard position. He seemed interested.

I think men should have the write to brand their lesser halves, like they do with cattle. This has various benefits.
a) It is more cost effective than a ring.
b) She can’t just take it off and fuck the neighbour.
c) It could be laced with some fluorescent pigment, so it’s easier to get her out the cupboard when there is a power failure and you need her to go start the generator in the rain.
d) It would fucking hurt
e) We can monitor breeding stocks more efficiently

I would personally like to brand Comrad Zuma’s initials “JZ” right on to the forehead of Charlize Theron.

The brand can take the form of anything the male likes, his initials, favorite beer, coat of arms. The brand of beer could get tricky though as many males out there enjoy the same tipple, this would not bother the Stella drinkers out there though, as the wives faces would probably be so swollen they wouldn’t know which one was there’s in any case.

We are looking into a blow torch and branding iron kit available for purchase on the site. I will let you know how the development progresses. That’s all from me.



Sheldon

Out of the wilderness:

The lore of Running

Masturbation. Just thought I’d set the tone for my first b wing blog entry. I feel honoured to be amongst such dysfunctional individuals such as yourselves. I wish to prove myself as a worthy member of the brotherhood.

So let’s kick things off; when I think of running I think of an engaged tone coming up over the phone. Running is anything but sublime. However, their is nothing more beautiful then watching a woman run. Those gazelle like legs trip and fumble over each other as they attempt to attain full stride. The praying mantis style appears to spin out control at peak sprint, and slowly starts resembling a Down’s syndrome running the hurdles more than anything else. This is another issue worthy of ridicule but not today….

The object of ridicule in this instance is not the Two Oceans half marathon, but its contenders. For starters, only the has-been athlete takes on the half distance. The “I used to play seconds in Matric” kind of athlete. I believe the emphasis of the Two Oceans this year is conflict resolution. Some run for charity, some lost bets, others were drunk during the conception of such an idea ……the end result is the same. The half marathon provides an adult a legitimate opportunity to sweat precious narcotics and lager out of the system. So hats off to the wannabe athlete, you’re cheap, look like shit…but hell there is nothing better than watching pure misery crossing the finish line. No, seriously, the half marathon delivers definitive results where alcohol, fisticuffs and verbal abuse have failed.

On that note, consider the challenge formally raised; Flatout and donkey (aka swan daddy, aka hound dog) will be going toe to toe in a battle royale. The rumble in the jungle takes place over 21km during the 2009 Two Oceans half marathon. If you don’t have front row seats for this, you’re an idiot…pack beers and deck chairs…I’ll see you at the finish line…It’s bound to be a blood bath.

Rhino

COMRAD ZUMA

Week 4

The Dog’s Kennel
From the dog this week we have some great news for the world, some handy travel advice and a little social commentary.

Where to start, it’s always nice to hear good news, and this, my friends is great news, a scientist in Scotland has discovered that the Ginger gene is likely to die out in the next 100 years. Personally I think 100 years is a bit long to wait and am moving for a quicker solution. You see that bastard gene found its way into my family, so to make sure that there is no chance of its survival I will be looking for a wife of Spanish or Italian heritage, dark haired olive skinned, and preferably about 6ft tall. Kill two birds with one stone, breed out the ginger, breed some height back into the family. This is social engineering at its best.

Onto the handy travel advice, OK never drive through to Simons Town on the weekend, sure the view is pretty when the wind isn’t blowing, but there is a plague along main road, locusts of the modern era. Cyclists, you know the people, ridiculous outfits, even those fat fucks, look like cottage cheese in spandex. This is the perfect thing to ruin a nice sea view. That and the fact they get in your fucking way, and this one cheeky bitch, I pass her, so instead of doing the decent thing and staying behind me she goes and passes me at the next traffic lights, only to make me have to look at her old fat ass again because she wont get out of the fucking way. Then once you pass her, you get stuck behind an indigenous person who instead of paying his water and electricity account, has decided to fill up his car and take the family for a drive at 20km per hour.

It’s a fucking nightmare, take my advice, just don’t go near the place.

Then there was this tasty little treat making headlines, Sheldon will write more in depth about it, but I would just like to say, grow a pair you pussy, your 14 years old getting a little whack on your bottom, dry your eyes, I was hit with a branch pulled out of a fire by a teacher when I was 10, I didn’t go crying to my mommy. I swear this kid is still eating purity and wetting his bed.

Dog out

Out of the Shell:

UFOs in Joburg

James J Hurtak (a Social Scientist) claims the UFO sightings in Johannesburg are real. Unfortunately you will never hear more bullshit come out of a human beings mouth than you will when you listen to a hippie with a degree, that is as dangerous as Zuma and his Umshini Wam, Boris Jeltzin with a cold Vodka or Hitler holding a Ham sandwich. These sneaky pricks are the ultimate in lies and deception. Any human being who believes in star signs has absolutely no intellectual creditability whatsoever.

I was thinking that there may be something else going on here. Maybe the ANC government misunderstood the concept of the Gautrain, or how trains work in general and have come up with a completely new form of transport. We could have the first African invention on our hands. These UFOs could be a shuttle service for Tokyo Sexwale and Jacky Selebi’s kids, down to Ballito or Plett so they don’t miss out on any good surf or drunken white girls.

However it is more likely that these witnesses have been dishing out lysergic acid diethylamide at random with the kids. I feel it’s one of the best ways to shut up screaming child, give them a good healthy dose of LSD.

I too have seen these UFO phenomena, often at these outdoor socials near Nekkies or Villiersdorp in the Western Cape. I never decided to discuss my experience on Carte Blanch though. What is even more worrying is that several witnesses in Gauteng spotted the lights in the sky. What are they putting in the water Johannesburg? I think I might head up there for some field sobriety research.

James J Hurtak believes that these aliens are here to save our planet from over population, pollution etc. How high is this man? That’s like saying OBama wants to help out in Sierra Leone and Kinshasa. NO! James J Hurtak, please, I think there is way too much diethylamide stored in your spine.

If we are not careful we are going to have Will Smith, John Travolta and Tom Cruise waving flags from a rooftop in Hillbrow, awaiting the arrival of the Galactic Lord Xenu. On the positive side though this maybe a chance for me to get Will Smith in the sites of my high powered rifle. For the sake of black rap and Sunday night movies, guys I will not miss.

Close encounters of a 1st kind in Johannesburg for these celebs will probably only take the form of Allan Boesak who can be found fence hopping from Hillbrow to Honeydew. In fact I believe that this orb, Boesak, may actually be providing intelligence to the Galactic Lord Xenu so that his Thetan soldiers can come down and over throw the ANC. With the scientologists running the country I could have a shot at Katie Holmes. Armed with a stun gun, some eye drops and maybe some Rohipnol I should definitely be in with a shout.

So fellow feral Kaapies, this weekend, go out and get yourself some magic mushroom, mescaline or LSD. Slap on that Pink Floyd album or maybe some Raja Ram and let’s get ourselves some fucking UFO’s.


Next on the agenda is a probably one of the most important issues to be raised in the news this year.


Park Town Boys enjoy a four ball.

I watched Penny, a mother of a son at Park down boys; sob her eyes out because her son was given a healthy dose of hazing. Shame Penny I feel sorry for you. Did you not take it as a sign that he might be a doughnut puncher when you used to catch him setting the PVR to record Pop Idol?

I think Drew hall at midnight with a little hazing and some deep heat on the genitals sounds like the way school bullying is suppose to be. In a boy’s boarding house, a coke bottle and some deep heat are an aphrodisiac and not a form of punishment mommy.

Poor Penny crying for her poor little boy cause her son got beaten with a golf club. For being a rat Penny, if get hold of your son I will make sure to bring out my 5 iron and drive your sons testicles down the fairway, cause he clearly does not deserve them.

Let’s remove all forms of initiation and create a male culture that Andy Dick would be proud of. This will be done over my dead body. It’s time to pick up that stick, whip off that belt and beat someone. If we could introduce mandatory hazing at all schools we could definitely cut down on the EMOs/Fake Hippies (the ones from the trance parties)/Goths/OCD kids (Graffiti) and their problems immediately.

Kaiser the head boy is the biggest disappointment to come out of all of this. The boys that belted you must be absolutely shattered. Stand by your convictions son, you did nothing wrong!

That is what came out of the shell this week.

Sheldon

The Irish Note:

Zuma unplugged

After a long and grueling week of graft, I decided to round of the week with the cool, seductive sounds of Jay-Z. There is little to no chance that I was heading into the sea of faces alone, so I decided to take some backup which came in the form of a tenacious fiery Welshman. The dog took a bit of coaxing to get out of his kennel. Mind you this is normally the case after a Friday night of drinking out of other dog bowls. I lured him out with one of his favourite treats and then insisted that he jumps in the pool before climbing into my car. After he had shaken off the last of the pool chemicals we were off. In a momentary lapse of concentration I realized that we had left the map book behind. The dog assured me that we were men and didn’t need any form of guidance and that the built in male GPS wouldn’t dare fail us.

I slapped a cd into my trusted front loader and began to enjoy the tunes. This was short-lived as the dog’s head began to feel like a squash ball at the World Series. So we switched back to the radio. The traffic news blared through my six-by-nines before the volume was swiftly adjusted. The words hit us like a drunk PE taxi driver on a pedestrian crossing. The words Mother of God rolled off a thick black moustache. The N2 was backed up due to an accident. Our fearless duo was not going to stopped by an insignificant traffic jam. My navigator made the necessary adjustments and before we knew it we were cruising along the N1. I’m not exactly sure when the cock up occurred but at some point there was a communication era between driver and navigator. Although I knew we were going the wrong way I was lured in by a scene of absolutely chaos.

In front of us there was a mass of ANC supporters, 200 hundred strong. Directly to the left of this was a small congregation of fearless COPE followers. Large trestle tables had been set up for registering new comers, but had been used to store massive amounts of alcohol instead. They were filled with beer and expensive whiskeys. The great thing about this particular rally is that it took place on the premises of a bottle store. What a phenomenal idea. I had to restrain my comrade from joining the festivities. I assured him that free booze normally comes at a price. Cars illegally parked all over the show, music playing loud out of the boots of the comrades cars. I like the way theses guys roll, who needs propaganda when you’ve got booze?

We couldn’t stay or we would surely miss the concert. After some minor navigation adjustments we were back on track. This could be no mistake, if we wanted to make it in time. Fortunately the enormous body of people gathered outside the O.R. Thambo hall, which was visible from the highway. Even someone as blind as our brother Steve Hawking couldn’t of missed it. We parked miles away. By the time we reach the hall everyone was inside.
We sheepishly snuck in the back. This was unlike any free gig I had ever been to. Damn this guy was talking a lot before his act. More than any other artist I have ever seen. Eventually after whole lot of hype, the electric intro emerged out of the cheering crowd.

Umshini wami mshini wami (lead)
khawuleth'umshini wami (Follower)
Umshini wami mshini wami,
khawuleth'umshini wami
Umshini wami mshini wami,
khawuleth'umshini wami
khawuleth'umshini wami
Wen'uyang'ibambezela(Lead)
umshini wami, khawuleth'umshini wami(Follower)

During this I hauled out my lighter and tried to be that guy. I received a sharp elbow in the ribs from the dog and promptly put it back in my pocket. Jay-Z’s hit does appear to be a one hit wonder. I was hoping for an encore, but this sadly never happened. We decided to beat the crowds and hit the road. What a day. Rumors of a Kirstenbosch concert are yet to be confirmed.

Tuna

From Skeet this week:

Still coming

Week3

The Dogs Kennel
This week everything is very political in the B-Wing. I have chosen the great character of good old Jacob, for the majority of my piece. Now everyone has their opinions on what a corrupt piece of shit he is, but I choose not to dwell on these points.
What scares me more is that no one has caught on to the fact that Ol’ JZ is either a Mormon or a leader of a Cult. The man has 5 wives and 15 children for Christ sakes. Something is definitely up here. Now I have always been one to champion the male cause, I honestly think this man is taking the piss. 5 wives, who is he fucking kidding. And for the poor women, how low does your self-esteem have to be to accept being 5th in line for a humping by something that looks like a warthogs arse. I mean where exactly is her place in the bedroom? On the ottoman at the foot of the bed?
Never mind the fact that we the tax payer (side note, most of his supporters don’t know what tax or jobs are, they are just glad he can sing and dance too), will have to pay for his and “families” food, travel, accommodation (what’s new?) and education (now that’s just laughable), for the rest of their lives!
Me personally, that little Botox dwarf Helen from the DA is getting my X. Sure she is no Mara Rosaria Carfagna, check this little Italian minx out( minister for equal opportunity – whatever that means, sign me up for some of that shit), but she seems presentable enough.
Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend, just remember, a life of excess is always more fun, so drink hard, drive fast and take chances.

Dog

Out of the Shell

I was flipping through the channels on the television the other day, while waiting for my beer and steak to be brought to me by the well domesticated topless Caucasian female I had round for the day. If you are looking for one of these, you find the best ones running bakeries in the Eastern bloc. They have such soft hands and a remarkable amount of respect for a drunken guy waving a gun.
Anyway back to the television, I was going sport, FTV, sport, FTV, sport, FTV, when something happened. I went to one of those fantasy channels that the opposite sex seem to enjoying watching when we allow them to. There it was. Beverly Hills 90210 is back on the television, like a bad dream. The show that forced me into puberty and at the same time nearly ruined the act of masturbation for me is back. If it wasn’t for Dawsons Creek and Joey Potter we may have lost an entire generation to Green Point. These monstrous perversions of 9oclock media are more dangerous than internet porn. This 90210 has got the same people in it, just older, looking like proper drug torn acid hippies. The Brenda one is definitely buzzing on Prozac. What happened to these actors and woman in real life, did they squander and snort their money away as easily as George Best would have done if grey hound racing was a 5 day sport. I think they must have.

In the news this week, the former blue bulls and springbok scrumhalf was caught receiving the one mandatory act in love making. That and having some of the Columbian marching powder. Why the fuck was this even a headline? Sounds like a great Friday to me. Good for you Joost. You are well with in your right to enjoy this holy gesture. Now if there was a bottle of chloroform in the picture next to Joost, that would have been worthy of a headline and possibly another springbok cap. But I am not going to spend to much time on this topic, due to the fact skeet is going to talk about it, that and the fact that he is a horndog.

Sheldon

From skeet this week;
It’s been a fairly quiet week for me this week in the B-wing, still lying low after the shenanigans of last weekend. The highlight of my week has most certainly been the Joost sex tape scandal. What an amazing story. Joost van der Westhuizen, a national hero, a World Cup winner, an ambassador for the country, a husband to one of the countries finest pop singers, Amor Vittone (I have recently signed up as a member of the her fan club, and I must say it comes highly recommended by the Skeet), and a father. You have to admire a man with that sort of track record. If that’s not enough, Joost was only recently overtaken by Percy Montgomery as the Springboks most capped player. He managed a very impressive tally of 38 tries, which is the most by any scrum half in the history of the game, making him one of the greatest half backs of all time. It’s a bloody impressive résumé.
So the story goes that an anonymous stripper delivered the tape to the despicable Heat magazine of all publications, because she wanted everyone to know the real Joost. She believed that people were being mislead, and were getting the wrong idea about this South African icon, and felt it was her responsibility to set the record straight. So with the help of the lovely ladies at Heat, the story was published, and the nation was exposed to Joost’s wild side, and his willy.
Of course it became an enormous national scandal, and many people around the country were outraged by the story. It also resulted in some rather bizarre statements from the man himself about the size of his penis, and the number of times he needed to watch it in order to make a decision whether it was actually him or not.
There’s no doubt in my mind that it’s him in the video, and I think it’s bloody fantastic. I don’t know why he would deny it. I think it’s admirable. It makes his already outstanding résumé even better. It says “I’m serious, but I’ve still got a bit of a wild side?” It shows once again, that we’re all the same, whether we’re rich or poor, young or old. Boys will be boys, and I’ve never been more proud to be one. I think we should all take a sock out of Joost’s draw this weekend, and enjoy some of the finer things in life. I’m not saying go out and get some hookers and cocaine, although it does sound quite attractive. What I’m saying is, work hard, play harder and keep living the dream.
Have a great week.

Skeet.

Irish Note;
[coming]

week2 late

Out of the Shell;

After the latest hype in the cricket, we have managed to go the opposite way and completely let ourselves down as a nation. I am an Englishman so I have never claimed to be very good at having a braai. But I thought this was one of the corner stones of “Clutch plate” civilization. Today I am ashamed. How can we let the Australians throw a bigger braai than us? The attempt in Stellenbosch has been pathetic. There is a rumor going around that Christian Bale and Chippie Shaik were the tong masters in Australia and that this may be the factor contributing to such a landslide victory to the Australians. Christian Bale was seen celebrating his braai victory down under with a couple of gin and tonics and the club Evol in Cape Town. The man credited for starting the Emo movement has refused comment. Valentines Day is going to be starting a little late this year. This is due to the start of the super 14. I don’t know why Saint Valentine could not have planned this a little better. Please remember that when leaving the rugby that Valentines Day is a great night for driving drunk. The chances of some fascist conducting a field sobriety test on you, when it’s just you and the commodity, is actually rather slim. I am thoroughly looking forward to the battle at Newlands on Saturday. The Sharks vs. The Stormers, what a clash. It’s the thrill of seeing the durbanites (or coastal vaalies) down here that really gets me up for it.
Sheldon; “Where your from mate?”
Durban Guy; “Like I am from Durban, Bru!” (This you already know from that accent which sounds like a rabid female mouse). .
Sheldon; “Congratulations you nearly made it in life”
Because if we are honest with ourselves, Durban (the Kraaifontein of the east coast) is just the coastal town for people who could not afford to live in Cape Town.

Sheldon

The Dogs Kennel;

Just to let you know where we are trying to go with this weeks article, my editor has asked me to be as offensive as possible, now normally I would tell him that im not really that into offending people, and that everyone has equal rights these days. But then I would also be lying to myself. Not everyone is equal, I mean autistic people, are they my equal? I like to think that I am somewhat superior to the Helen Keller’s of this world, and I don't think that's an unfair assumption to make. So during these tough times of the global economic recession, where jobs are hard to come by, I will keep my editor happy and make sure that I can afford to drink copious amounts of alcohol and throw oranges at the poor people in the standing section of Newlands Rugby Ground this weekend. Right so onto this weekends festivities, Valentines Day, fuck that, opening match of the super 14. So much more fun, and hey, if you are feeling a little lonely, pull into the meat market after the game and pick yourself up a little floozie there. There are more options than just Claremont though. You could head out into the northern suburbs, if the stormers win, Durban rd should be ripe for the picking, only problem there is that they from the northern suburbs, and their language is rather offensive. I’m sorry, we won the war, stop speaking pig-latin at me. One plus about Afrikaans girls is they are still brought up correctly, they know how to cook and clean, and who’s job it is to run the home, (ok by run here, I mean in a hotel manager kind of way, they get to look after it during the day, make sure it is kept tidy, and that everything is in order), well Afrikaans girls and eastern Europeans. They seem so happy in there little windows in Amsterdam. Enough about that. big news is Gareth Rosslee is running the 2 oceans half marathon. The roads and parks board has given him special permission, they just ask that no one else run that close to him, this is a 2 fold caution: 1. If his legs give way and anyone else is around him, they are likely to get hurt. 2. The roads can only handle so much before cracking under the sheer strain. Everyone please support this great cause here. http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/group.php?gid=49176092303
I think we will end on a quote from The Sailor: "No women can ever be satisfied, as no man has a chocolate penis that ejaculates money" Thank you sailor. You're a thing of beauty.

The Dog

Irish Note;

So the unmanned ventriloquist dummy hits the headlines once again. The big question in my mind is who has their hand in Julius’s ass. Who is prompting this Muppet to make these outlandish statements week after week, or
does he come up with this nonsense all by himself. I’ve got a theory on the matter. Julius is infact a double political agent. He is a sort of incredible vocal mole. His puppet master is not Jay Z, as many believe but rather a high ranking official from another party. Who is using him to scare voters into not voting for the ANC. I think these scare tactics are going to be terribly successful. If empty barrels make the most noise, what can one say about dummies?


From Skeet This Week.

Clearly not many people read my rant from last week about old Najwa,cause the savages were back this week, and she only got 28 years. Isaid hang her, and send the savages back to work, but I didn't get myway. Anyway, the bleeding thing is over. Case closed.

So, this week, has brought some excitement into my life. ValentinesDay, one of my favourite days of the year. Some people hate it, somepeople love it. Most couples will succombe to the pressure from usevil advertisers to spend shit loads of money on chocolates, cards,red roses and maybe even a laughing teddy bear that will last a fewdays before being thrown in the bin. They'll spend at least 5 minuteson writing a "roses are red, violets are blue" verse, and then at thelast minute try and get a reservation fro a table for two at anexpensive restaurant, all in the hope of getting laid.

I take a different approach however. Valentines Day for me is a time to get involved in the ancient art of "Couple Bashing." All you needis a weapon, and a six pack of Black Labels, way cheaper than youraverage Valentines Day hamper. Weapons range from the classic baseballbat, to the more extreme ice pick, and even to the very extremeafrican masheti. A few seasons ago I bashed and killed a couple with asamurai sword but that belonged to a friend who now lives on acannabilistic Island somewhere near Papa New Guinea, and I no longerhave accesss to that particular piece of death metal. This year'sBashing session was a great success. 17 Couples fell victim the thebat of the on form Gavin Williams, who in my opinion takes the 2009Basher of the Year, but those results wil be confirmed by the end ofthe week. I managed a respectable 9 couples, however I was using anaxe, and 6 of those 9 couples actually died, so perhaps I'l still bein the running. I'm holding thumbs.

I'm going to have to be on the low down for a while, untill all theshock and horror of this season blows over, but anyone who would like to get together for a cold frosty and chat about it can certainly doso. I always like to pass on my knowledge and experience to potentialbashers who are keen and eager to get involved.

Have a great week.

Love Skeet.

Column 5 Feb 2009

Hi Everybody

After much consideration we have decided to go with Home Bar in Claremont for some Friday after work drinks. Some stress relief with some high octane alcohol is in order.

It is an especially auspicious occasion. Although Ben Johnston has been drinking since the age of 4, he is completing his first week at work. And we all know what a memorable Friday these turn out to be. Let’s arm ourselves with some great beer, not SABMillers honey badger piss, and really enjoy this moment with him.

Drink KWV 2005 Chameleon wine. Because lets face it, I will drink any wine where they put an animal in that can look in two directions and change colors, and so should you.

Tash Hohls is celebrating a birthday as well, please buy her brandy and maybe bring her a packet of biltong. She would really enjoy that.

Couple of words of encouragement to John Kyle, there is hope for you yet brother. A granny in Korea has failed her driver’s license 771 times. Check it out;
http://www.news24.com/News24/World/News/0,,2-10-1462_2464475,00.html

Guys all this bullshit about valentines has to come to an end. Since when has it been all about the difficult sex. Cupid is male for fuck sakes, and not even he would pass up on tickets to the Stormers and Sharks game. So I think this year it should be called Manentines day and Newlands is the Cathedral of Love.


News from the dog’s kennel:

Dale Higgins instead of doing what he’s told to do….. Dig a Hole!! He bought a house. Good on ya Dale.

French children, running around your house banging on walls after 4 hours sleep is exactly why Germany should have won.


From Skeet this week:

This week has been rather festive on my side. It was the usual slow start to the week, after a fine weekend at the races and a hugely enjoyable day at the Kirstenbosch Gardens. The Parlotones put on an absolute spectacle on Sunday, and I would encourage everyone to download their album for free from a mate or a peer-to-peer network. (Limewire and Kazaa are both great, and I hear BeeMP3 is pretty great too).

Yesterday, bus loads of Flats brother’s and sisters from other mothers and sisters made their way in to the CBD for the sentencing of the delightful Najwa Pietersen. I thought It would last a day, and therefore shrugged it off, but true as Bob, they’re back again today. Trying to work while hundreds of off-whites are screaming and shouting and simply performing like barbarians, is not something I enjoy. In fact it’s pretty horrible. The question is, what on earth are they actually doing here? Do they believe they can make a difference, or are they just trying to get the day off work. She’s guilty. It’s not rocket science guys, Hang the bitch.

Other news from town is that De Waal Drive is on fire. They’re questioning all smokers.


The Irish Note:

Whilst taking a break from my strenuous leprechaun tossing training schedule I stumbled across some interesting reading.

A fire, which started at the Jonkershoek Nature Reserve on Wednesday, was still raging on Thursday morning. The fire started about "one kilometer from the top of the mountain" on Wednesday and was heading towards the Stellenbosch area on Thursday morning, Constable Harris said. Michael Phelps was seen fleeing the area carrying what appeared to be the shattered remains of some sort of smoking orange vase.



In Closing…………

To end, we all hope to see you there, 5pm. If you going to bring a couple of mates, please avoid bringing any Zionists, Christians and people from the northern suburbs (Christians from the Westbrook Baptist church are welcome).

Also if you are a male with spacers in your earlobes, The Dog reserves the right to hang his jacket there.


Sheldon
Editor